Family+&+Social+Rituals

=Middlemarch: Family & Social Rituals = toc



Introduction
During the Victorian Age, changes in family and social rituals were taking place. Social etiquette was becoming increasingly important to all social classes. Books detailing the customs and behavior of the aristocracy were published so that the middle class was able to learn and practice the intricacies associated with the etiquette of the upper class. The idea of the nuclear family was increasingly exalted. Prior to the Victorian age, building relationships within the family was not deemed important by society, but with improvements in the economic structure, an opportunity for individuals within families to develop closer relationships with one another came. Within the family, Victorian values such as chastity and modesty were also gaining importance; rules for social behavior regarding courtship and marriage were strict and rarely deviated from. These ideas concerning social etiquette, the "Victorian Family," and courtship were exalted and romanticized during the Victorian Age and can be seen in the novel //Middlemarch//.

**Addressing Others **
Rules of etiquette during the Victorian age often varied depending on the social class and gender of an individual. For instance, when addressing another person of a higher class, surnames and titles were always used as a sign of respect. Among family members, only children were to be addressed by their first name until they reached young adulthood at which point their permission would be required. Within a family of multiple children, there were rules regarding the addressing of each sibling. Sally Mitchell, the author of //Daily Life in Victorian England//, explains, "The eldest sister in a family with several daughters was called, for example, 'Miss Bowen.' Younger sisters were called 'Miss' with both first name and surname: 'Miss Anne Bowen" (149-150). Outside of the family, there were rules for addressing others between men, women and both men and women. For example, men of the upper class always referred to each other by their surnames, never dropping the formality of such interaction. In contrast to the never-ending formalities between men, for young ladies and women, interactions would initially be marked by formal communication with the use of "Miss" when addressing one another, but once a friendship was made, the formality would disappear and they would interact with each other on a first-name basis. In addition to these rules, single young men and women were expected to address one another in a certain manner; the rules dictating that prior to an engagement, they were not allowed to address one another by their first name (Mitchell, 150).

Eliot shows us instances in which each of these rules are perpetuated by characters in her novel. In Chapter 24, we are able to observe how children are addressed during a scene including the Garth family and Fred Vincy. Two of the younger Garth children, Letty and Ben, are referred to by Fred by their first name's only. This is an example of the informality attached to children of a certain age. The deference paid between two siblings is also noted in Eliot's novel and can be seen as early as Chapter 1 when the oldest Brooke sister is referred to as "Miss Brooke" and the younger sister is most often referred to as "Miss Celia." This tradition continues throughout the novel until "Miss Brooke" is married to Mr. Causabon and becomes Mrs. Causabon. The interaction between male characters in the novel is consistently characterized by a reference of last names. An example of this appears in Chapter 18 when the board of the newly built hospital meet to discuss Lydgate's position; this, however is only one example of many throughout the novel.

As a contrast to how men of the time interacted, women would normally formally address one another only upon initial acquaintance. Thus in Chapter 43 when Dorothea and Rosamond meet for the first time, they refer to each other as 'Mrs. Causabon' and 'Mrs. Lydgate.' However, Following this meeting and several others, the two women never refer to each other by their first names, which contradicts the typical practice of most women during this time. A reason for this may be that they, in fact, never actually become friends; they are acquaintances who must interact at times but do not share a high regard for one another. In regards to how young men and women were expected to address one another. An example of this appears in the first several chapters of the novel in the interactions between Mr. Causabon, Miss Brooke, Sir James Chettam and Miss Celia Brooke. In their respective courtships, they each formally address one another. However, following Dorothea's engagement to Mr. Causabon, she continuously refers to him by his last name while he addresses her by her first; Contrastingly, Chettam and Celia both address one another by their first names which is more consistent with how an engaged couple interacted during the Victorian age.

**Paying Calls **
Another formality that existed during the Victorian age was applied to the times and ways in which people were expected to visit with one another. The acceptable hours for paying calls on one another was usually limited from somewhere between 3-6pm, depending on the district and nature of the visit. Visits normally lasted between 15-20 minutes during which time the two parties would chat with one another over tea, brandy, cigars, etc. (Mitchell 150-151). The procedure often prescribed to when calling on someone usually required a servant to deliver a calling card to the front door of the house the caller was visiting to inform the inhabitants of the home of their presence, or if the person was not wealthy enough for a servant, the caller him/herself would deliver a card to the servant of the house. If a visit was not desired by the receiving party, then he/she would simply tell their servant to inform the caller that he/she was not home (website). In special circumstances, such as "visits of condolence or congratulation," there was a special and distinct protocol that was followed which varied from the norm. Hughes explains that such visits "must be made about a week after the event. [However], If you are intimate with the person on whom you call, you may ask in the first case for admission; if not, it is better only to leave a card, and make your 'kind inquiries' of the servant, who is generally primed in what manner to answer them" (177). Calling cards and the regulations applied to calling on others, are an example of the strict formality Victorians were embracing during this time.

Eliot works to truthfully represent the traditions associated with paying calls during the Victorian age in //Middlemarch//. Thus when Dorothea calls on the Lydgate's in Chapter 43, she inquires of the servant whether or not Mrs. Lydgate is at home to which the servant informs Dorothea that she is. She then inquires as to whether Mrs. Lydgate is available to talk; Dorothea is then led into the drawing room. In respect to calling cards, Eliot barely mentions them or the act of using them when calling on others. However, we can observe an instance in Chapter 21 during which a card is used by Will Ladislaw--a relation to the Causabon's who is visiting the area. In this scene, we are told that Mrs. Causabon is interrupted in her study by a servant who hands her a card and informs her that a gentleman is calling. The servant then inquires whether she wishes to see him to which Mrs. Causabon replies in affirmation (Ch. 21, beg). In the cases of paying calls of condolence on families, Eliot does not represent this aspect of life in her novel. There are two deaths in //Middlemarch//, Rev. Causabon and Mr. Featherstone. In both instances, Eliot does not show any instances during which people call on the mourning families to offer condelences nor does she show any calls of congratulations. This ritual of Victorian life does not appear to be adhered to in Eliot's novel. 




Families during the Victorian era were changing in accordance with the times. With the new economic stability that England was experiencing, avenues that were previously closed to most families were beginning to open. Leisurely activities were becoming increasingly accessible to all levels of social classes. The results of which were causing a change in perspectives regarding the idea of family. The lives of upper class families were changed the least; their wealth having already granted them freedom of time. Mitchell explains, 

> [Their] day began when a servant brought in hot water for washing and a cup of tea or coffee with something small to eat. Most then spent the next hour or two in their own rooms writing, reading, or attending to private business. Among aristocrats and the substantial gentry, there were usually more than two adults in the house. Houseguests and long visits from relatives were common; single or widowed aunts and sisters were part of the family group. A large midmorning breakfast began the social day. (144)  Following breakfast, men would engage in afternoon activities such as sports and hunting whereas women would perform social duties such as paying calls or studying music and engaging in needlework. Spending time with their children was not a top priority. The upper class took care of their parental duties during "children's hour," during which time parents would spend an hour in the company of their children. Because parents ate their meals and spent their time separate from their children, this was the only time of day when the children's nursemaid was not taking care of them (Mitchell, 144).

In her novel, Eliot shows the inner workings of a genteel family through the Brooke family. Mr. Brooke, the head of the house and the girls' uncle, is an independently wealthy man who does not need to work to support himself. He owns a large amount of land and is often referred to as a horrible landlord while his days largely consist of engaging in various pursuits for leisure. As is mentioned in the first chapter, Dorothea and Celia are his nieces who have just recently come to live with him. While Celia is a typical example of a genteel lady interested in lady-like pursuits and having a "common-sense" that her sister lacked, Dorothea was often thought abnormal by the community of Middlemarch. She was described as "A young lady of some birth and fortune, who knelt suddenly down on a brick floor by the side of a sick laborer and prayed fervidly as if she thought herself living in the time of the Apostles--who had strange whims of fasting like a Papist, and of sitting up at night to read old theological books!" (3). The amount of time that each member of this family has to commit to their individual pursuits is representative of how upper class families spent their time. Later in the course of the novel, we are shown another genteel family at an earlier stage of development. Following the marriage of Sir James Chettam and Celia Brooke and the birth of their child, we are shown how children are taken care of in the upper class. While Celia is shown to spend more time with her child than was typical of a historical Victorian mother, she still has a nurse to take care of her child during most of the day. At one point during the story when the child appears to be on the verge of tears, Celia says, "Here you are, nurse; take baby and walk up and down the gallery" (Ch 50, early). In this scene, we are shown the duel roles that Celia, as a mother, and the nurse, as a caregiver, play in the child's life. 

**Middle Class **
<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">The routine of a middle class family was not quite so leisurely (Mitchell, 144-145). Men of the middle class would spend their days working, but women of the middle classes were not expected or allowed to work. Consequently, they had an abundance of time on their hands and no social obligations to fulfill that time. As a result, the women of this class spent their time cultivating relationships with their children; they were better able to interact and engage in activities with them due to their lack of duties elsewhere. Better relationships within the family began to develop and children became the main focus of the middle class woman's day.

Eliot represents the Victorian middle class through the Vincy family; a family consisting of father, mother, daughter and two sons. Mr. Vincy's profession involves manufacturing which was considered to be economically stable and enabled him to provide quite well for his family. Throughout the novel, the Vincy family proves to be a good example of Victorian life for the middle-class family and are described as "old manufacturers [whom] had kept a good house for three generations, in which there had naturally been much intermarrying with neighbors more or less decidedly genteel" (Ch.11). Mr. Vincy is accurately described as a successful businessman who doesn't have the option of leisurely activities whereas Mrs. Vincy is unemployed and otherwise free of any obligations outside of her home. However, Mrs. Vincy is presented as somewhat meddlesome in the lives of her children; her character can be considered a dramatization of the role of a middle class mother. She consistently pushes for a marriage between Rosamond and Lydgate while she believes that it will improve her daughter's status, but once she realizes he is a poor relation of his family she vehemently disapproves of him. Consistent with the notion that she believes her children deserve better than their own class, she vocalizes on a continuous basis her disapproval of Fred's love interest, Mary Garth. She describers her as being a "dreadful plain girl," not suitable for Fred but rather for life as a governess. She remarks that "if she had some fortune left her" then maybe she would be more desirable as a prospective wife but "--a man marries his wife's relations, and the Garths are so poor, and live in such a small way" that she is not suitable at all (Ch.6 end). <span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">

**<span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">Working Class **
<span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">Conversely, families of the working class tended to spend less time with one another than either of the upper classes since it was necessary for both parents to work in order to support their families (Mitchell, 141). To make matters more difficult, there were also many cases that forced children work in helping support their families. In the early 19th century, children of the working class were often found working 16 hour days in sub-standard conditions at horribly young ages--some as young as 3 years old. Although laws had been passed to restrict children from working for so many hours of the day, it wasn't until the 1830's that these rules began to take affect (Web). As a result, working class families spent most of their days separate from one another; in effect, this inhibited the close familial bonding that was so highly esteemed by the upper classes.

Finally, Eliot's best representation of the families of the Victorian working class can be seen in the Garth's. Mr. Garth, who had once been a prosperous business man, is described as having since fallen on bad luck and experiencing financial uncertainty. As a result, the Garth family which had once been considered middle class was living in a manner more suitable for the working class. Mrs. Garth, who is described at one point by Mrs. Vincy "as a woman who had had to work for her bread--meaning that [she] had been a teacher before her marriage," is represented as a working mother; because of this, she is thought to hold a lower social standing than say, Mrs. Vincy. Although it is mentioned that Mrs. Garth used to be a teacher, it is also stated that after her marriage, she would occasionally take on students from town to govern. Eliot explains,

> <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">She had sometimes taken pupils in a peripatetic fashion, making them follow her about in the kitchen with their book or slate. She thought it good for them to see that she could make an excellent lather while she corrected their blunders 'without looking,'--that a woman with her sleeves tucked up above her elbows might know all about the Subjunctive Mood or the Torrid Zone--that, in short, she might possess 'education' and other good things ending in 'tion,' and worthy to be pronounced emphatically, without being a useless doll. (Ch.24) <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;"> With this description, Eliot makes Mrs. Garth an unusual example of a working mother while still conforming to the classifications of the working class. Her relationship with her family is also presented in a light different from what would be expected of a working class mother; she is shown to have a good rapport with each of her children. This is most likely due to the fact that she works within her home, and while she occasionally tutors children from town, she teaches her own children as well. Other examples of the working class standards that apply to the Garth family can be found with Mary and her younger brother, Alfred. Mary, who works outside the home as a companion to Mr. Featherstone and Alfred, who is preparing to become an apprentice, are both examples of working class children being put to work. Eliot chooses to not delve into the darker aspects of child labor, using Mary and Alfred as the only two examples of its practice during the Victorian Age.

<span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">Courtship
<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Romance during the Victorian era was strongly influenced by the changes in attitude people were adopting concerning the virtues of social behavior. The social season of a young woman was a very important concept during this age, it marked the point in time at which a young woman was considered to be at a respectable age for marriage. Among the upper classes, this time was normally marked by a young woman's presentation at a social event, such as a ball, and by her assistance in fulfilling social obligations with her mother, such as paying calls. Among the middle classes, the social season was not as marked by such grandiose events. Mitchell explains that the beginning of a young woman's season was observed through her actions, such as "putting up their hair, wearing long skirts, joining the adults for dinner, making calls with their mother, and taking part in their parent's ordinary social life" (155). The purpose of the social season was for a young woman to meet young man suitable for marriage. Most courtship was conducted exclusively in public places and always in the company of a chaperone. "Women were not allowed to be alone with a man until they were engaged. A woman was never to anywhere alone with a gentleman without her mother's permission. A woman was never to go out with a gentleman late at night" (Ladies).

The rules surrounding courtship were a product of Victorian values such as modesty and chastity, and as a result, relationships in this culture were more often products of romantic letters than personal interaction. At the crux of every courtship there was the mutual awareness that "it was not ethical for a man to pay serious attention to a woman unless his financial prospects would allow them to marry at some predictable date." When proposing marriage, men were expected to receive the father's permission first. However, the father's permission was not a guarantee that the proposal would be accepted because acceptance was determined by the woman in question (Mitchell, 156). Once the proposal in question was accepted on both accounts, a banns would be posted announcing the marriage between the two parties. Before the marriage could take place, a license would be required and if under the age of 21, permission from a parent would also be obtained. Following each of these steps, the couple would then register with their church, and if they were not in violation of any prohibitions to marriage, then they could be married (Hughes, 180-182).

Eliot represents the processes of courtship in through three couples: Edward Causabon and Dorothea Brooke, Tertius Lydgate and Rosamond Vincy and Fred Vincy and Mary Garth. At no point during the story does Eliot show or describe a coming out season for any of the female characters in the story. We can deduce that the ladies previously mentioned are eligible for marriage because of their actions, clothing and daily activities. <span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">

<span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">Reverend Causabon & Dorothea Brooke
<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">In the case of Causabon and Dorothea, they are introduced at a dinner party during which they chat with one another in a public place. Their relationship progresses in a very public manner, and he proposes their engagement to Dorothea in a letter. He writes,

"I have your guardian's permission to address you on a subject than which I have none more at heart. I am not, I trust, mistaken in the recognition of some deeper correspondence...I rely on your kind indulgence in venturing now to ask you how far your own [feelings] are of a nature to confirm my happy presentiment. To be accepted by you as your husband and the earthly guardian of your welfare, I should regard as the highest of providential gifts" (Ch. 5 beg). She replies, "I am very grateful to you for loving me, and thinking me worthy to be your wife. I can look forward to no better happiness than that which would be one with yours." (Ch. 5 beg)

The nature of this correspondence coincides with what was common behavior during this time; a letter was often used as a means to propose marriage between two people. The fact that Causabon mentions the permission of Dorothea's uncle is also significant due to her age; she was not yet 21 and therefore required her guardian's permission.

<span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">Tertius Lydgate & Rosamond Vincy
<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">The courtship of Lydgate and Rosamond followed a very similar course, the only difference found in the manner of his proposal. When Lydgate initially comes to town, he has no intention whatsoever of obtaining a wife. However, he becomes smitten with Rosamond and begins to spend a large amount of time in her presence. This becomes a problem because during the Victorian age, it would not have been considered proper for Lydgate to be paying undue attention to a young lady whom he had no intention of proposing to; part of the reason he did not want a wife was because his financial prospects would not allow it. In a conversation between Lydgate and Rosamond's aunt, Mrs. Bulstrode she says to him in regards to his relationship with Rosamond, "I think it is a heavy responsibility, Mr. Lydgate, to interfere with the prospects of any girl" at which point Eliot describes her as "[fixing] her eyes on him, with an unmistakable purpose of warning, if not of rebuke" (Ch. 31). As a result to her criticism of him, Lydgate avoids Rosamond for over a week. However, this does not last long and upon their meeting again, they become engaged. Lydgate respectfully gains permission from her father following this episode even though he was not required to; it would have been considered acceptable during the Victorian age to inform the father after the engagement has been agreed upon by the two individuals in question when they are both over the legal age for marriage. <span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">

<span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">Fred Vincy & Mary Garth
<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">The third example of courtship in Middlemarch is that of Fred and Mary. Their relationship, which began as a childhood friendship, is not a common example of how courtship was conducted during this time. From the beginning of the story, we are shown Fred's high regard for Mary. Because of their long friendship, they did not always address each other formally. Their use of first names was unusual as it was normally an informality reserved for fiancees. Another oddity in their relationship was the amount of time they spent with one another without a chaperone. On many occasions, while Fred would visit Mary's employer, Mr. Featherstone, he would also visit with Mary. This afforded them a lot of time together, alone. The engagement of Mary and Fred was another unusual process. Fred infers to Mary that he would like to ask for her hand in marriage on various occasions, but she repeatedly lets him know that she would never marry a man who doesn't have a chosen profession; this puts them at a stalemate for most of the story. Mary Garth's parents are aware of Fred's desire as well as Mary is, and her father goes as far as attempting to help Fred earn Mary's hand. It is not until very late in the story, when another suitor has entered the picture, that Mary gives Fred any hope at all that she wishes to be engaged to him. In a scene in Chapter 62, she tells a jealous Fred, "you are too delightfully ridiculous," informing him that there is no other person in her life that she loves better than him. She summarizes her relationship with Fred by explaining, "when a tender affection has been storing itself in us through many of our years, the idea that we could accept any exchange for it seems to be a cheapening of our lives. And we can set a watch over our affections and our constancy as we can over other treasures" (Ch. 62, end). The two eventually work past all of their reservations and marry. The portrayal of their courtship is wonderfully choreographed, but Eliot leans away from what would have been conventional of a working class relationship in her depiction of Mary and Fred. The disapproval of Fred's parents is the one realistic aspect since their marriage would have been disadvantageous for him and his family.

<span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">Conclusion
<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">In her novel Middlemarch, Eliot creates an environment that portrays the rituals and customs associated with family and social functions in an accurate manner. Her presentation of social etiquette falls within the applied guidelines of the time, with an overall quality of accurateness. She weaves the different customs and traditions required for social interaction into the plot seamlessly. Eliot also represents the Victorian family in a way that combines the historical facts behind the image with an interesting and captivating storyline. She adds embellishments to her characters and plotlines while still staying true to reality. Finally, Eliot captures the many traditions of courtship in a variety of relationships. The courtships she creates follow, for the most part, the rules and guidelines of acceptable behavior between a man and woman during the 19th century. She manages to incorporate many of the required behaviors without overtly pointing them out to the reader. She begins the novel with a courtship between Dorothea and Causabon and ends the novel with the engagement of Fred and Mary. She remarks in her Finale,

"Marriage, which has been the bourne of so many narratives, is still a great beginning, as it was to Adam and Eve, who kept their honeymoon in Eden, but had their first little one among the thorns and thistles of the wilderness. It is still the beginning of the home epic--the gradual conquest or irremediable loss of that complete union which makes the advancing years a climax, and age the harvest of sweet memories in common."

While Eliot writes her novel with an air of subjectivity and a dose of creativeness, she still creates a world that portrays Victorian life in the early 19th century im a real and factual manner. <span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;"> <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;"> Return to Middlemarch

<span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">Works Cited

 * 1) <span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">Image: <http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/ladylydia/manners902.htm>
 * 2) <span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">http://www.literary-liaisons.com/article026.html
 * 3) <span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">http://www.ladiesofreenacting.com/Victorianromance.html
 * 4) Mitchell, Sally. Daily Life in Victorian England <span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">. Westport, CT: Greenwood Press, 1996.
 * 5) <span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">Hughes, Kristine. The writer's guide to everyday life in Regency and Victorian England, from 1811-1901. Cincinnati, Ohio: Writer's Digest Books, 1998.
 * 6) <span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">Middlemarch

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<span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">Diane Aiken